The Cheese Doctrine


[02:42] <Kaiden_Fox> the Monty Python cheese shop scetch.

[02:43] <Kaiden_Fox> "Do you have any limburger?"

[02:43] <Commissar> cheese - oh, I ate the last piece of sharp cheddar :(

[02:43] <Lucifer-Satan> Kaiden_Fox: oh, yeah, the cheese shop that sells absolutely no cheese =)

[02:43] <Commissar> it was delicious.

[02:43] <Kaiden_Fox> none at all.

[02:43] <Lucifer-Satan> Kaiden_Fox: yep =)

[02:43] <Commissar> is the cheese shop about the 3 cheeses in one cheese and then the Big Cheese?

[02:44] <Commissar> ?

[02:44] <Lucifer-Satan> Commissar: naw, it's about a cheese shop, that's still open, even though it hasn't got a single bit of cheese in it =)

[02:44] <Commissar> heh...

[02:44] <Kaiden_Fox> The guy keeps asking for different kinds of cheese, and the propriator keeps saying "no, we don't carry that."

[02:44] <Commissar> heh..

[02:45] <Commissar> what DO they sell there?

[02:45] <Commissar> gall bladder, but there are complications.

[02:45] <GeneralSecretary> I my god, not the parrot sketch. "It's merely pining for the fjords."

[02:45] <Kaiden_Fox> They don't sell anything: that's what makes it so funny.

[02:45] <Kaiden_Fox> It's a cheese shop with no cheese.

[02:46] <Lucifer-Satan> Kaiden_Fox: *shudder* *heave* no, no more will smith... no more! ahhh!

[02:46] * Kaiden_Fox now has a craving for python.

[02:46] <GeneralSecretary> There's a band in the cheese shop, though, playing music.

[02:46] <Commissar> Kaiden_Fox then that is a shop turned atheist.

[02:46] <Kaiden_Fox> Hey, I'm the quickest there is, I'm the slickest there is, did I mention I'm the quickest there is?

[02:46] <Lucifer-Satan> GeneralSecretary: there was?

[02:46] <Commissar> now is all that flying by here, or what?

[02:46] <Kaiden_Fox> No Cheeses?

[02:47] <Commissar> Nope, not even the Big Cheese.

[02:47] * Commissar wants some more cheddar.......

[02:47] <jedi_knightress^> in france there are over 2000 certified cheeses

[02:47] <GeneralSecretary> The CoS does remind me a bit of that cheese shop.

[02:47] * Lucifer-Satan slowly strolls up to kaiden_fox, and then proceeds to strangle him.

[02:47] <jedi_knightress^> many more uncertified ones

[02:47] <Kaiden_Fox> Praise Cheeses!

[02:47] <Kaiden_Fox> "Do you have any Dark Doctrines in this shop at all?"

[02:47] <GeneralSecretary> Sorry, we're out of Satanism just this week. But, please come back later and see.

[02:47] <jedi_knightress^> Hail Cheese

[02:48] <Lucifer-Satan> Kaiden_Fox: "oh, well, we have a bit of, oops, oh, it looks like a rat just made off with that too."

[02:48] <Kaiden_Fox> "Do you have the doctrine of cosmogenisis? It's the single most common Dark Doctrine in human culture!"

[02:48] <Lucifer-Satan> jedi_knightress^: or would that be "may the cheese be with you"?

[02:48] <GeneralSecretary> What's also fascinating about that sketch is that John Cleese can actually remember all those cheese names.

[02:49] <jedi_knightress^> MAY THE CHEESE BE WITH YOU

[02:49] <Kaiden_Fox> He must be part mouse.

[02:49] <jedi_knightress^> Dark Cheddar

[02:49] <Lucifer-Satan> GeneralSecretary: well, he remembered the parrot sketch =)

[02:49] <GeneralSecretary> Kaiden: he only started to eat cheese with some friends that were passing it around. He's all right now.

[02:49] *** Kaiden_Fox is now known as Montery_Jack

[02:49] <Metadromos> You must know that the Mint Ray will anihilate the Cheese.

[02:49] *** GeneralSecretary is now known as Blue_Dane

[02:50] <Montery_Jack> I'm declaring myself Heretic!

[02:50] <Montery_Jack> No longer shall I bow down before the Mintian mindlessness!

[02:50] <Metadromos> Blasphemer!

[02:50] <Montery_Jack> I am a Chedarian, strong and sharp!

[02:50] * Metadromos rends his garments and throws dust on his head...

[02:50] <Metadromos> BLASPHEMY!

[02:50] <Blue_Dane> May your stench overpower the weak in flavor!

[02:51] *** Commissar is now known as Cheddar

[02:51] <Blue_Dane> Let's meet during the cheaster holiday.

[02:51] *** Cheddar is now known as DarkCheddar

[02:51] <Montery_Jack> You cannot cut cheese with a spoon, Infidel!

[02:51] <Metadromos> See how your heresy has spread oh CHEESE!!

[02:51] <DarkCheddar> you know, someone owns the nick "cheddar?"

[02:51] * Lucifer-Satan cuts the cheese, and makes a cheeseburger. all this talk of bloody cheese is making me ravenous!

[02:52] * DarkCheddar awaits the Big Cheese - which is really the 3 in 1 Cheese

[02:52] <Blue_Dane> Lol @ DarkCheddar!

[02:52] <Metadromos> You corrupt the people with promises of Tofu and Nachos!

[02:52] <Montery_Jack> Why does your church harras us so much? Are all the Vadians LACTOSE INTOLERENT?

[02:53] <DarkCheddar> All the people go to the sickhouse to worship unto the cheeses!

[02:53] <Montery_Jack> Quick, do not let them find the most Sacred of Cheese

[02:53] * Lucifer-Satan steals the Chedarian army's lactaid supply.

[02:53] <jedi_knightress^> lol\

[02:53] <Montery_Jack> someone, help me conceal it!

[02:53] <DarkCheddar> and then they eat the cheeses

[02:53] * Montery_Jack looks around for people to play "Hide the Salami Cheese" with

[02:53] <Metadromos> The Great Mint has told us that there is CHEESE among the tents of the Vadians!

[02:53] <Metadromos> BLASPHEMY

[02:53] <jedi_knightress^> Seek Them out and Destroy

[02:53] <DarkCheddar> IDOLATRY!!

[02:54] * Lucifer-Satan sniffs in meta's direction, "you've been eating muenster!"

[02:54] * Montery_Jack is laughing his ass off at the trintarian/chedarian paralels of DarkCheddar

[02:54] <DarkCheddar> but the MYSTERY of the Cheeses is that only 3 cheeses are one cheese, and that is the Big Cheese

[02:54] <Metadromos> You would tempt the Great Mint? Have you forgotten that Toeses held up the Spoon in the Wilderness and our people were spared?

[02:55] * DarkCheddar looks around and concludes: BEHOLD and LO! er, we are all MAD bwhahahahaha

[02:55] * Blue_Dane puts up his scientifically correct maniacal laughter.

[02:55] <Metadromos> A moldy spirit hath siezed the people.

[02:55] <DarkCheddar> But Metadromos the Toesus were filled with cheese!

[02:55] <Montery_Jack> Remember Nietcheese saying: "Be careful eating Muenster, lest you become Muenster, for when you bite into a sandwitch, the sandwitch also bites into you!"

[02:55] <Blue_Dane> LOL!!!

[02:55] * Lucifer-Satan becomes the arms dealer for both the Chedarians and the Vadians, dealing Mint supplies to the vadians, and high-quality cheddar to the chedarians.

[02:56] <Lucifer-Satan> Montery_Jack: rofl

[02:56] <Metadromos> Politics! We are surely doomed.

[02:56] <DarkCheddar> No Lucifer-Satan you must deliver the 3 cheeses which are truly but One Cheese!

[02:56] <jedi_knightress^> us occultists are so screwed.....

[02:56] <jedi_knightress^> i wonder whether christians do this in their spare time lol

[02:56] <DarkCheddar> HA!!!

[02:57] <Blue_Dane> We shall no longer be known as the Red Comrades, but as Red Windsor!

[02:57] <Lucifer-Satan> DarkCheddar: I have the three cheeses! the three which are also one cheese! for that cheese is swiss cheese! three cheeses which art swiss!

[02:57] <Lucifer-Satan> =)


[02:57] <Metadromos> I have seen the end of the Mint. I am sore grieved.

[02:58] <DarkCheddar> and is Switzerland the Kingdom of the cheeses??

[02:58] <jedi_knightress^> no France is

[02:58] <Lucifer-Satan> jedi_knightress^: doubt thou, the holiness of the three cheeses that art one?

[02:58] <DarkCheddar> Metadromos never spare, I eat of the Cheeses with the SPOON!!!

[02:58] <Montery_Jack> We must keep our knowledge "occult," lest the Secret of the Curds be corrupted by those who don't understand the Mysteries of the Big Cheese

[02:58] * Montery_Jack whips his head around to stare at Lucifer-Satan

[02:58] <Montery_Jack> The Kingdom of the Cheeses is not of this vat!

[02:58] <jedi_knightress^> lol

[02:58] <Blue_Dane> No more shall their Stilton minds stifle free thought!

[02:58] <Lucifer-Satan> Montery_Jack: no! we shall take the cheese to the people! we shall teach them the making of cream cheese!

[02:59] <Blue_Dane> And they shall run towards enlightenment faster than camambert!

[02:59] <Metadromos> Can you eat of both the table of the Mint and the table of Cheese? How can you serve both Limburger and Mentos!

[02:59] <DarkCheddar> and the Profits, ooops, prophets said unto Toeses, become like unto the cow: mooo moooo

[02:59] <Montery_Jack> BEHOLD! I have become a monstrous machine of fermentation to those who would resent my parmasian!

[03:00] <DarkCheddar> Metadromos yes, you can use the SPOON!

[03:00] <Lucifer-Satan> Metadromos: behold, the swiss. in its holes, thou must placeth one mentos!

[03:00] <Metadromos> lol

[03:00] <Lucifer-Satan> Metadromos: one mentos in each hole, must thou placeth.

[03:00] <Montery_Jack> Your freshness is a vile abomination! Put cheese into the mouth that mocks the just and zesty!

[03:00] <DarkCheddar> And the cry rang out over the land of the Boot: racote! racote! racote!

[03:00] <Blue_Dane> We shall fight for the liberty of the people, their independence, their Briedom!

[03:01] <Montery_Jack> ewww... minty cheese?

[03:01] <Montery_Jack> that's just nasty.

[03:01] <DarkCheddar> HAAAAAAAA

[03:01] <Montery_Jack> They can take our wives.... but they can never take... OUR BRIEDOM!

[03:01] <DarkCheddar> haaaaa

[03:01] <DarkCheddar> shit.

[03:01] <Metadromos> Behold! Thou hast profaned the Spoon! Thou cheese worshippers, know that the Mint will rain rats from the sky and devour the cheese!

[03:01] <Lucifer-Satan> lol

[03:02] <Blue_Dane> Listen not to Metadromos, the false Savoyard.

[03:02] <Montery_Jack> I have an idea. Instead of fighting with ourselves, why not join forces to destroy Turkey?

[03:02] <Lucifer-Satan> Metadromos: know that the fungus who art in heaven shall rain down yuppies to devour the mentos!

[03:02] <jedi_knightress^> we talkin mint mentos or flavoured ones>?

[03:02] <Metadromos> lol

[03:02] <Blue_Dane> Yes, destroy the Edam-ites.

[03:02] <Montery_Jack> The Fungus is not of heaven... the Fungus is Amungus!

[03:02] * DarkCheddar heralds the coming of the destruction of Turkey, the call of war shall be bwaaak bwaaak bwaaak!

[03:02] <Lucifer-Satan> Montery_Jack: lol

[03:03] <Montery_Jack> My Kingdom Come, my Will be Done, on Swiss as it is on Chedder

[03:03] <Montery_Jack> Forver and Ever. Hail Toesus.

[03:03] <Blue_Dane> The doctrine of cheddar is in full agreement with the doctrine of the Feeta.

[03:03] <Blue_Dane> And the Toegonzola.

[03:03] <Lucifer-Satan> DarkCheddar: and it is said in the book of the cheesecloth, that the chicken shall unite with the cheese, and the breading spices and tomato sauce, and crush the turkey!

[03:04] <Metadromos> The cheese lasts but a short time, then you will cry out for the Mint and it shall not hear thee.

[03:04] <DarkCheddar> But I have the SPOON!

[03:04] * DarkCheddar hides the spoon!

[03:04] <Lucifer-Satan> Metadromos: then, then shalt our breath be as fire to thine eyes! and we shall smite thee with it!

[03:04] <Metadromos> LOL

[03:05] <Montery_Jack> The Cheese shall last! The Cheese is what BINDS us together!

[03:05] <Montery_Jack> woo hooo! We have an authentic Holy Artifact to fight over!

[03:05] <DarkCheddar> Lucifer-Satan you been chowin down with the Limburger?

[03:05] <Montery_Jack> yes... and what a RUSH that LIMBURGER is!

[03:05] <Lucifer-Satan> DarkCheddar: awe, well, the sacred cheese is almost past its due date....

[03:05] *** Montery_Jack is now known as Rush_Limburger

[03:05] <Metadromos> I shall launch a crusade to the Toely lands, we will sieze the cheese and restore the Mint to the throne!

[03:05] <Rush_Limburger> ditto

[03:05] <DarkCheddar> We must first preserve the Sacred Cow - to keep the cheeses in perpetuity however you spell that.

[03:06] <Lucifer-Satan> DarkCheddar: the curds lead thine spelling correctly.

[03:06] <DarkCheddar> And Briedom shall reign throughout the lands of the Big Cheese!

[03:06] <Rush_Limburger> So shall it be written! So shall it be done!

[03:06] <Rush_Limburger> Hail Cheeses!

[03:07] <Metadromos> The anti-mint has deceieved you, that you would take the mark of the cheese.

[03:07] <DarkCheddar> Hail the Big Cheese!

[03:07] *** Blue_Dane is now known as GeneralSecretary

[03:07] * Rush_Limburger looks at himself, and notices the mark of the Cheese

[03:07] <Rush_Limburger> oh smeg!

[03:07] *** Rush_Limburger is now known as Kaiden_Fox

[03:07] *** DarkCheddar is now known as Commissar

[03:07] <Metadromos> I hope nobody ever sees this...

[03:07] <Metadromos> lol

[03:08] <jedi_knightress^> somebody scrap the logs...

[03:08] * Lucifer-Satan quietly looks at the Feliks-logs =P~~~~

[03:08] <Metadromos> We will all be comitted!

[03:08] <Kaiden_Fox> I am comitted.... to the udder destruction of Turkey!

[03:09] <jedi_knightress^> i didn't say anything!

[03:09] <jedi_knightress^> well we could always nuke witnesses with brie anyway

[03:09] <Metadromos> Anyway, I am almost finished with a *highly* controversial essay on the Pentacle that is almost certain to cause many debates and probably a few terrorist attacks, so I really must finish it because I can't wait!

[03:09] <jedi_knightress^> and send them off to the home planet blue cheese to be cheddared

[03:09] <Kaiden_Fox> where will it be posted, Metadromos?

[03:10] <Metadromos> Information will be forthcoming.

[03:10] <Metadromos> :)

[03:10] <Kaiden_Fox> I'll worship Vad, and repent my Cheesy ways if you tell me!

[03:11] <Kaiden_Fox> I hope you understand that, for my family, I have to keep up at least the appearance of chederianism

[03:11] <Metadromos> Heretic! You can not purchase the reward of the Mint with bargaining!

[03:11] <Kaiden_Fox> Because, if Daddy wants to please me, you know he has to CHEESE me!

[03:12] <Kaiden_Fox> I've got the Blue-Box Blues.

[03:12] <Metadromos> The cheese has made you say this.

[03:12] <Lucifer-Satan> Kaiden_Fox : ah, yes, kraft, one of our public organizations.

[03:12] <Kaiden_Fox> Vadians in a Holy War against the Chedarians.

[03:12] <jedi_knightress^> and chesdale

[03:12] <Lucifer-Satan> Kaiden_Fox : little do the vadians know, we're already *everywhere*

[03:13] <Kaiden_Fox> I think it's a conspiracry by the IllumiTani to keep both groups at each other's throats.

[03:13] <Commissar> YES> they await the RED RAY TO COME! destroy the adamites!

[03:13] <Metadromos> :)

[03:14] <Kaiden_Fox> Do not underestimate the power of the IllumiTani

[03:14] <Commissar> really!

[03:14] <Kaiden_Fox> They are behind every conspiracry in the world, except the Vast Right Wing conspiracy.

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