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Close Encounter with the Terrifying Dagon - or -
Poor Dagon has a close encounter with the Flying Monkeys

Scene: Vicky imprisoned in a shed in Innsmouth with one leg torn off, covered with the remains of black, inky goo. She's a total wreck, hysterical and whimpering and she is in utter terror.

Flying Monkeys: Gee, Vicky, is something wrong?

Paul: (grimacing) My God in Heaven! What happened to Vicky?

Zeke: Dagon take her. He have her.

Paul: What do you mean?

Zeke (exasperated) Dagon FUCK her!

Vicky: It was covered with........ It had all these........ It was inside me...

Tani and Casey in unison: Oh! Was Dagon hung well? You know, was It good?

Gerber and Yehudi in unison: Was Dagon circumcised?

Prole: Tsah, really! Can't you see that Vicky is horribly hurt?

Sheromay: Sure thing, Vicky is definitely having a bad hair day. She looks a mess!

Star: Yeah, I guess that missing leg is going to ruin her dancing days.

Mitch: I have given this some long and serious thought. WHO would want to fuck a creature as big as a house, squirming with tentacles and a mouth big enough to swallow a cow? And the fucker looks hungry, to me.

Priest of Dagon: Ha ha! I'll see your faces long after you cease to see mine! (inches over with skinning knife)

Sheromay: Back off. You ain't getting near MY face; it's way too cute.

Prole: Yo momma stank like a fish, you web-fingered mofo.

Mitch: I'll fry you and have you with wine if you take one more step.

Zeke: (whimpering) Now I prisoner, too.

Flying Monkeys: Shut up, you old fart!

Uxia: Dagon needs her.

Paul: Fuck Dagon!

Uxia: (big smile) Yes!

Barbara: Uxia, you whore!

Uxia: Dagon!

Erich: Oh, it must be like Lylyth and Samael and Ophioneus, the fucking people. I love them. Dick and pussy!

August: Gee, you're nasty.

(Dagon shows up.) grinlfmjwnalf fhtagn.

Cultists: Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!

All: (Look around to try to find dick and pussy - can't quite make out where they are.)

Sheromay: Um, well. Is he or It gay?

Gerber: I think Dagon is anti Jewish. Back during the days of the Philistines, the Dagon Cult used to......

Yehudi: SHUT UP, Jeff; this is NOT the time.

Tani: (oblivious of the bloody horrors and the commotion) Oh! What a beautiful creature! (inches closer and closer). Oh, how soft and flexible it is, how beautifully flowing. Look at all the tentacles! Beautiful.

Dagon: grgrbl mwnh wgah wgah eeya eeya urruuluuu.

Tani: Can someone please translate that into ENGLISH? Speak English, godDAMMIT. Doesn't anyone speak English? I hate this bilingual shit.

Mitch: It sounds a bit like Welsh to me - hang on a minute ! (approaches monster waving half empty bottle of strong white cider in one hand) Oy, butty! Os gwelch yn dda! Beth sy'n bod? SIarad Cymraeg?

(A tentacle wraps around Mitch's head and squeezes it to a bloody pulp.)

Tani: Nope! Not Welsh!

All: Uh, Tani? Tani? Watch out, girl.

Dagon: (whooooosh - grabs hold again)

Tani: Hey, wait a minute. We need to discuss a few things about anatomy here, wait. Ok. Wait! No, come on. Wait! Have a cigarette. Calm down.

Uxia: Yes! That's the idea!

Tani: (Distracted from immanent danger) Hey, that pie looks delicious. Want some? Hey, Dagon, be nice, or I'll throw the pie at you.

Uxia: Your child will live forever.

Tani: Awww. I love you too, Dagon.